Sloth
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: Yeah, it's a stereotype, but let's face it - sloths are slow. Deal with it.


_A/N_

 _So, everyone by now has probably seen the_ Sloth _trailer for_ Zootopia _, proving that "the Flash" is just a DC character who doesn't enter the Disney realm, that sloths are as slow as ever, foxes are as sly as ever, and bunnies remain adorable. Well, in fiction at least. Over here, bunnies are a pest. But anyway, drabbled this up._

* * *

 **Sloth**

"Six hours Sid! Six hours! Heck, you're not even that slow!"

Sid wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment. On one paw, compliments were hard to come by in Zootopia, especially for animals from his era. On the other, he wasn't so desperate as to take compliments out of the paw just because-

"I mean, after all, you're my only friend on the police force," Judy continued.

"Aw, thanks," he gushed.

"So, yeah, that's why I know you're going to let me into forensics."

"Sure!" Sid beamed, glad to finally get a genuine compliment and appreciation that wasn't coming from someone trying to manipulate him to their own ends. "No problem!"

The sloth picked up his keys and started moving his way to the lab. It was past midnight, and he was on the graveyard shift, but Judy had shown herself to be worthy of his help, as a true friend. And on that note…

"Y'know, I was wondering," Sid began. "Diego's been pushing me around lately and-"

"Not now Sid."

"Oh. Okay."

No matter. She'd help him eventually. True friends did that.

The door was opened, and the pair walked into ZPD Forensics. The other members of the force liked to joke that Sid belonged in here. He was a relic, a creature of the ice age that had been found frozen with a mammoth, sabre-toothed tiger, and sabre-toothed squirrel. A.k.a. "Manny," "Diego," and "that weird squirrel guy whose name I don't know." After getting used to the 21st century, Manny had gone off on his lonesome, Diego had become a private detective, and the squirrel…Sid yawned. No-one knew what happened to the squirrel. And the police were too busy investigating a series of acorn robberies to track him down.

"So, anyway," Sid asked as Judy placed a bloody rag in the DNA analyser. "How's the beat going?"

"Hmm?"

"Yeah, y'know, the beat," Sid said, walking up to her as gracefully as a sloth could manage. "First female on the force, first non-rhino or elephant to be out in the field…"

"Oh?" Judy kept looking at the data. "Yeah, great. Great."

"Oh, excellent," Sid beamed. He slapped her on the back. "I knew you'd make it!"

"That's great Sid."

"I said to Diego, 'y'know what? That girl's gonna go far!"

"Excellent, Sid."

"And Diego laughed at me, but hey, what does he know? I mean-"

"Damn it Sid I'm being sarcastic!"

"…oh."

He hadn't known. How could he possibly had known?

"I've barely got thirty hours left before the case is transferred to Detective Ivory," Judy said. "I've wasted the first eighteen of them chasing dead leads, dealing with some dirtbag fox, and six, count them, _six_ , in the DMV!"

"You told me that."

Judy sighed. "I can't take it," she whispered. "That…fox guy knows it. He thinks he's got me. With that stupid swagger-"

"Judy-"

"And that cocky smirk."

"Judy?"

"And those jokes. They're not funny! Who's laughing at them? Sloths? Sloths would laugh at anything!"

"Judy!"

"What?!"

She spun around – her ears down, her eyes red, and her nose twitching like a hare on steroids. Nervously, Sid pointed at the analyser. Nervously, Judy looked round.

 **RESULTS INCONCLUSIVE**

"Damn it!"

Sid tried to say something. But it turned out that bunnies could go hopping mad in quite a literal manner.

"Nothing!" she yelled. "All for nothing!"

"Maybe your fox friend could help"

"He's a fox!" she yelled. "I'm a bunny!"

"…so?"

"Foxes! Eat! Bunnies!" She began kicking Sid's leg – an ineffectual move given the physical differences between them, but nonetheless, she kept at it.

"Rhinos, elephants, argh!" Judy stopped kicking and began pacing around, before finally hopping into a chair far too big for her and collapsed into it. She looked up at Sid. "How do you do it?" she asked.

"How what?"

"Put up with this." She threw up her arms.. "You're a sloth that's thousands of years out of time, working in an organization where everyone is bigger, faster, and stronger than you." She sighed. "How?"

Sid shrugged. "Well, I work in forensics. All you need is brains here."

"And you've got them, of course."

"Of course!" Sid beamed.

"And people tell you that."

"Oh, not often," Sid said. "Course Diego and Manny encourage me to stay. They're taking bets on how long I'll last." He sighed. "It's great to have such friends, y'know. They're no doubt each trying to bet longer than the other."

"Yeah, I bet," Judy sighed. She closed her eyes. "Mammoths. Sabres. Why are we even discussing this?"

"Well…" Sid began itching his back. "It's a lesson, ain't it?"

"Huh?"

"A lesson. That different animals of different sizes and diets can still work together and call themselves friends. That it's the little things that bind us all, regardless of space and time." He put a paw to his chest. "Through all its boundless ages, through the ice of entropy, and…and…"

He trailed off, looking for Judy's help. He was never that good at poetry.

But Judy was gone.

"She left me," he whispered. He kicked a trashcan to the side. "They always leave me." He sniffed, using a claw to clear away the mucus. "Why? Does nobody love me? Does nobody care about Sid the Sloth?"

Silence echoed throughout the ZPD.

"Anyone?"

Silence broken by an owl, a bat, and crickets yelling "howzat?!"

"Alright then."


End file.
